Song of the Day: Christine Fellows - Vertebrae
"why when you know you should go, is it so hard to leave?"
After months of uneasiness, self doubt, and lack of confidence, today will be my last day working for "the Man". It's been a rough 4 years, but a pleasant one. I don't think I could have asked for a better employer coming from the eyes of a 20 year old co-op student struggling to find himself amongst a seas of students. I remember I was a wreck for my first RIM interview. I guess I only get nervous for things I'm really excited for and this was one of them and boy was I excited when I found the news of my employment. I mean "the Man" was just so convenient in more ways than one that it was a perfect fit for any student. The work environment is definitely dynamic. I think from all the experiences I've had would be equivalent to 10 or 15 years of work experience any other sector. "the Man" basically operates under it's own microcosm and everything else is bascially irrelevant, minus and pending lawsuits.
I woke up this morning to a vivid image of me being escorted by security out of the building. The feeling inside is synonymous to a tough breakup with a 4-year girlfriend. The sun beaten walls of my room somehow represented to me that today is your last day with "the Man". Could it be that the light represented hope? A new beginning? It's still really hard for me to admit the fact that it's over. For months now, friends and family have tested my decision and whether it was the right move. I mean how could you blame them for asking? The situation from an outsider's perspective was almost too good for anyone to let go. Some more than others raised some pressing issues that really tested my logic and reasons for letting go.
I've been really avoiding a day like this and I think so do most people too. For the past two weeks, I've been meaning to pack, but my mind doesn't see the urgency and rationalizes for me to do something else. My mind still thinks that "the Man" will always be there for me to fall back on so why worry about doing something you don't have to do? If you could see my room now, it's filled with empty boxes and no reason to leave. Generally, there was no feeling towards this up until now.
There's still have many reservations about the whole resignation experience. As I mentioned earlier, it's like breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, but this also boils over, to your friends, your co-workers, your accustomed lifestyle. Somehow and some way I have let them down for leaving.
Anyways, I need to get ready to face "the Man" one more time. I know I have more to write about regarding this, so stay tuned.